You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
