i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
