I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
