She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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