...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
