I bet he comes in French.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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