Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
