I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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