just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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