You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize