how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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