You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
