its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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