I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize