you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
