Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
