You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
