pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
