please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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