I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
