Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
