I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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