I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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