I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize