Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
