yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
