ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
