it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
