Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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