Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
