I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
