there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
