Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
