Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
