why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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