My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
