four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
