Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
