He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
