Are we in a gay sports bar?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize