Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
