Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There r osticjed everywhere
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
