its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
