Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
