Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
