i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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