I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I believe in your delicious
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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