I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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