Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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