ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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