Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
