I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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