i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
