you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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