I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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