He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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