Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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