Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just tell him i said nine months
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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