I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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