There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
