oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
