Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
