It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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