Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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